Help! My Insecurities are Hurting My Relationships
Ahhh, insecurities. The nagging little inklings that hinder us from looking at the positive, whether that is within our internal or external selves. We all have them. Insecurities cultivate from all sorts of different reasons, but in most cases, insecurities develop because of what we see, what we hear, what we have been told, and ultimately what we come to believe about ourselves. Insecurities also arise based on the faults or fears that we harness about ourselves or about our relationships. That being said, let’s not forget about perhaps one of the most apparent reasons insecurities develop: OUR PAST EXPERIENCES!!
In any case, we all do harbor them. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all just do away with all our insecurities? The simple answer is NO. If we could just wish away all our insecurities, how could we protect ourselves from repeating past mistakes? More importantly, however, how could we grow to become better or healthier versions of ourselves? It’s fine if the insecurities are mild because we can learn to overcome them or grow from them. It is even more productive when we have loved ones that reassure us that these insecurities are just that – fears or anxieties within ourselves. Insecurities become problematic when someone is highly insecure, so much so that their insecurities become toxic and threaten to disturb the different aspects of our lives – especially our relationships.
7 ways to tell if you or someone you know is highly insecure:
- Being constantly and overly concerned about what others think of them
- Not being able to express a firm opinion
- Having a chronic inability to make decisions – even if the choices have little or no consequences
- Trying to change the direction of conversations, meetings, or projects
- Putting other people down to make themself look more important
- Talking about how busy they are (even when they are not) to show how much demand there is for their time/attention
- Being paranoid and/or meddling with others enough for them to question themselves
How to deal with your (or someone else’s) insecurities:
- Assess the magnitude of the problem – How often do these insecurities arise? Can they be prevented? Can they be redirected?
- Identify the root causes of the problem – What incident(s) have initiated the insecurities? What are the triggers?
- Discuss the problem – Explain or listen empathetically to the thoughts behind what is being said. Come up with plans on how to better handle this in the future.
- Focus on the positive – Recognize that insecurities can be nurtured tenderly to help diminish the negative thoughts and enable constructive beliefs.
- Use and ask for clear communication – Express clear messages without gaps or uncertainties as highly insecure people tend to find gaps in stories – which can lead to miscommunication and arguments.
- Be authentic and compassionate – Give ‘em (or yourself) a break! Realize that insecurities are a part of human nature, and we all deal with them.
As a therapist at SEVN Therapy, Co. – and the fact that I, too, am human – I realize how insecurities can hurt, hinder, or obstruct our lives and our relationships. It may feel like you will never not be “damaged” – but that’s not true! You are so much more than your insecurities. Let me help you understand and demolish these intrusive thoughts and help you become the secure, confident, and deserving person that God intended you to be. Use this link or call our office at 817-778-0522 today to schedule an intake session with me!
Sonia Noorany, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Scott Martindale, LPC-S
